Prove What?
It is still quite the roller coaster with being home and all. However, things are looking up a bit. I have decided on what I will be doing this fall. At first I simply settled with going back to University. To be honest it has always been my backup plan and not something that I’ve been so passionate about to pursue for the time being. So, instead of just settling for what I “should do,” I am instead going to a school of ministry about 45 minutes away from me. It is called the School of Supernatural Life and it is located at Grace Center Church in Franklin, TN. It meets twice a week, which allows me to continue to work in order to pay for it. This is a big decision to take yet another year off from University. It isn’t the most ideal thing to do and I understand that. Believe me, it wasn’t my first decision to pursue this. I’ll spare you all the details and simply say that after my first day of orientation on Tuesday that I had much peace and felt so safe and secure being there…almost like a breath of fresh air as if I have finally arrived at a place that I’m supposed to be. In fact, I even cried on my first day…a lot! I guess you could say my heart is open, vulnerable and desperate.
The past month I have felt out of control. My perspective, priorities and everything in between have been so out of whack. I have been absolutely miserable, in and out of depression and just hopeless at times. My days have consisted of work, eating, sleeping, working some more and coming home to watch criminal minds before I go to sleep. Side note: I believe netflix is out to ruin lives ever since they put criminal minds on there.(Also, Jamie, you need to block me from your netflix…it’ll be better for both of us haha).
I literally have felt so sorry for myself because of how pitiful I have been. Most recently I haven’t even been enjoying my job, of which I genuinely do love. If anyone knows me then you know that my passion is kids. Gosh, I love hanging out with kids. It’s a joy that I am unsure of how to even describe. However, I have been so wrapped around paying for the school and anticipating the next paycheck and calculating how many hours I need to work that I have lost the joy in even working because my goal has just been the money in the past month. I hate that. I don’t want that. I’ve even looked to take on a second job, which if you know my schedule would be nearly impossible to do so. Needless to say I have yet to get a second job because, there isn’t enough time in a day for me to do that. This has stressed me out so much. Several times throughout the week I just stop to cry because I can’t hold it all in anymore.
This past weekend I had this thought that I believe was from God and that was “stop looking for a second job and trying to prove a point to your family or anyone else and just trust me.” Ummm excuse me God but I can do this myself. Yeah right. I am tired. I am tired of doing this on my own, because I simply cannot. The math doesn’t add up. I have been wanting so badly to prove to my family that I can take responsibly for my future by paying for school on my own, which is a great thing right? Well, it has driven me insane. I have lost sight of myself and God by taking it all into my own hands and trying to prove a point or please people. It has been since I have let go that things have began to fall into place as crazy as that sounds. It kills my pride when I step aside and say “actually, I need help and can’t do it on my own.” As much as I want to prove myself…God has proven to me that I can’t and wasn’t meant to anyway.
I am on this journey of trust….and oh how this journey of faith and trust never ends. It is a difficult thing to go against the current of what society tells you to do and what you’ve had instilled in you since day one for you to do. So, I need your prayers for perseverance and endurance to walk out my desires and to take the steps that will get me to my dreams.
What do I have to prove? Nothing. He has proved to me how desperately I need Him.
So with all of this said I am asking for a little bit of help. I would simply like to humble myself and say I need you. My goal for help towards the school is half of what I have left to raise which would be $950. I need 31 people to help.
10 to donate $10, 10 to donate $25, 10 to donate $50 and 1 to donate $100!! That would help me by a lot!!! Please help a sister out. I’m already working on the days I don’t attend school but if you have any side jobs I could do that too!
https://apply.schoolofsupernaturallife.org/find-applicant?name=Laura+Beth+harbin
