Today is my first day on wifi since we got to the Lake here on San Juan 14 days ago. I could have easily been on social media, talked to everyone back home like I usually do and what not…. but The Father really convicted me of that when we got here. If I am continuing to connect back home every chance I get I will miss out on all God has for me here. If I am to live in the present and embrace myself in each place I’m at and in all that The Father wants then I cannot continue the way I have been the past 3 months and get on wifi anytime I want. So, I decided to fast from wifi for the time being here in San Juan. It’s actually been the most refreshing time for me. The Lord has been teaching me so much in the past 2 weeks that I’m not even sure how to put into words. Long story short, this time here has basically been a spiritual revival and renewal for our squad which has been MUCH needed for each of us on an individual level, team level and squad level. We have been here with the Guatemala team from AIM and they have been teaching us, praying with us, worshipping with us and dealing with all our junk with us haha. It’s the best place for us to have a getaway/restart. We are literally in this dorm style rooms overlooking the lake AND volcanoes and mountains. It is by far the most beautiful view I have ever seen in my entire life. The days are still and quiet as in the mornings we all wake up, eat breakfast and then sit still in the presence of the Lord. We literally just sit and wait for Him to speak…to speak into the places of our heart, to whisper is love over us and to just say “you’re beautiful.” After spending some alone time with the Father we gather together to meet and either worship, talk about what the Father was saying to us, receive a teaching or be prayed over to get sent out into the town of San Juan. I’ll first share some questions with you that we are usually asked to ask the Father during our time alone with him. I also encourage you to ask these same questions. Dive into yourself….Dive into the father’s heart.
Questions:
What is your problem with the Father?
What keeps your from trusting Him?
What keeps you from hearing Him?
What do you struggle with surrendering?
Not many questions, but you’ll find that it takes like 3 days to process and answer each of those questions, each. When I’ve sat down to ask these questions, the Lord revealed many things to me that I didn’t realize I had allowed to hinder me from trusting and hearing and receiving the love of the Father. I cried for maybe 4 days straight because i was so broken. I listened to the song Inheritance by Jonathan David Helser literally for 4 days straight and that was ALL i listened to All day long. I didn’t move. I stayed on the ground weeping while listening to this song all day for about 3 or 4 days. The Lord reminded me that I had forgotten Him and forgotten myself over the past 2 months. I got caught up in ministry, caught up in the things that frustrated me rather than letting them go, caught up in the “why’s,” and caught up in everything except Jesus. I found myself striving rather than resting in His presence.
The Lord has been re-romancing me over this time here at the Lake. I’ve been reclaiming that which I had forgotten and lost. I have been reclaiming my identity, reclaiming the Father’s heart and reclaiming His love for me! The Lord has revealed some things to me in my life to release and let go of. He’s allowed me to start new again. He’s allowed me to walk through the fire of refining and loving me tenderly the whole time. I’m learning what it looks like to live and walk in the spirit. To choose the spirit over the flesh. It’s a choice every single day…every moment of the day….every decision you make and comment and thought you have….Am i going to choose the spirit or choose my flesh? That changes everything. Am i going to choose to be thankful and sing praises despite my feelings or despite the circumstances. Because God’s character NEVER changes. Thankfulness and Praise silences the enemy. What if every step you took or every breath you breathed that you said “thank you?” There would be no more room for anything else because all you were thinking and saying is “thank you.”
I left Honduras broken and thinking I had it all together and now I’m getting ready to leave Guatemala a different person…confident in the Father’s love for me, confident in my position and identity as a daughter, confident in His voice and confident to speak and walk that out!
| |
Inheritance by Jonathan David Helser
The Lord says that there is nothing you can do that would make him love you more. There is also nothing you can do that would make him love you less. He loves you, because he loves you, because he loves you, because he loves you, because he loves you, because he loves you, because he loves you, because that is what he is like.
It is his nature to love, and you will always be the beloved. His love is unchanging.
He loves you 100%.
He wont love you any better when you become better.
He loves you 100% right now.
Even if you have no plans to become better, he will still love you 100% because he loves you, because thats the way that he is.
Even if you don’t want to change, he will love you 100%.
Even if you have no plans to walk with him, he will love you because that is his nature. He loves all the way all the time, his love is unchanging.
The Lord says,
“What will change is your ability to receive my love. Today, I want to cram some more of that ability inside of you. I challenge you.
Open your heart to me and you will receive more of my love than you have ever experienced before.
I dare you, open your heart to me, give me your heart.
Give me whatever your obstacle is, i’ll take it.
I’ll remove it out of the way, because I love you as you are right now.
I love you 100% as you are right this moment. I love you as you are, so be loved.
You are the Beloved. It is your job to be loved outrageously. It is why I chose you.
That is why I sent my love upon you,
that you would love as one who is outrageously loved.
That you would receive a radical love.
So radical, that it will blow all of your expectations of what you think love is.
Know that I will love you outrageously all the days of your life because I dont know how to be any different, this is who I am, and this is who I will always be.
This is the I AM that I promised you. I am He that loves you outrageously,
and you may love me back with the love that I give you.
You may love me back outrageously, with the outrageous love that I bestow upon you. And know this, you can only love me as much as you love yourself.
So my love comes today to set you free from yourself.
To set you free from how you see yourself.
To set you free from the smallness of your own thinking about yourself.
My love comes to set you free from rejection, shame, low self esteem, despair, and abuse. When I look at you, I see something that I love.
I see someone that I can love outrageously.
I have so much to bestow upon you, so much to give you, so many places to take you in my heart. But you cant go there, unless you allow me to love you.
And my love for you will break every barrier, bring every wall crashing down.
My love damages fear. My love hates fear. My love will fight fear.
|
|
| |
It will fight fear in you, it will fight fear around you.
If you have fear, then you have a treat in store, because my perfect love casts out fear. There is no fear where I am present, because my love casts out fear.
Beloved, you are my beloved. You are my beloved. In my love, I want you to feel good about yourself.
“When I see me in your eyes, I dont have to try. When I see me in your eyes, Its so easy to love. While the minds of a man may see how lovely I may be on the outside, the heart of God sees me as his beauty. Then its not so hard to love me, so come and teach me how to love me. Come and teach me how to love me. Come and teach me how to love me. Come and teach me, come and teach me.”
“Ever so gently the spirit is unwrapping your destiny.”
|
|
You, Laurabeth, are outrageously loved!
Thank you for sharing this. I have been deeply touched and will share this with others. Praying for all of you,
Amylia’s Mom
LB,
Heard this song again today. So good. Thanks for the updates. I enjoy hearing about your journey.
Deidre (Keith Hornbuckle’s mom)
LB! I LOVE this. Love, love, love and more love. I know this journey has not been easy and it has not always matched up with what you had thought it would look like. However, I also know that God’s ways are so GOOD and so far beyond our own. Praying that He would continue to show up in your day-to-day and that He’d blow you away with all that He has for you. Enjoy your debrief in Honduras!
I love it:) Can’t wait to hear about all that the Father continues to do as you guys step into what’s next!
Great Update Beautiful girl! love and miss you lots! I love getting your updates!!