VARIOUS THOUGHTS IN HONDURAS

hola from the mountains of Honduras!! Today is Thursday September 12. We have been in Honduras for about 2 and a half days now. Surprisingly getting here went so smoothly and very fast it seemed like. We are here with Zion's Gate Ministry 25 minutes away from the main city of Tegucigalpa. Once we got here we ate some good ole rice and beans!! I'll be honest, I highly despise beans which kinda stinks because that is the main meal for lunch….and dinner! ha But, breakfast is awesome because it is oatmeal…..mhmm! After we ate we set up our tents on the property here. Don't worry we have a security guard that stays on watch at night, which by the way it gets dark at 6 pm so we go to bed quite early! We are living awesome. We have two showers and 3 toilets…except for 56 people hah!! We are learning to live in community real quick! So far we have just rested up, played a bit with some of the kids that live here on the property, hung out with some of the teenagers that also live here, learn a lot about the ministry and culture here and just be with each other and the Lord. Oh, and occasionally we go on runs together on the dirt roads with the beautiful mountains right in front of us! This all seems pretty dandy, huh? But, think again…when you are all alone in your tent at night and it's storming and can't sleep, or want to just take a warm shower, eat chik-fil-a or just sit and talk to your best friends, or get in your car and just drive. The thing about this is that…this is now my lifestyle for the next 9 months. It was easy for a month in Swaziland last summer, because I knew I was coming back home in just 4 weeks and honestly didn't have a hard time saying good bye last time. However, this is a different story.  I'm not going to pretend and say it has been great. Yesterday we talked about culture shock. Many people would be in what is called the honeymoon stage…or like a vacation. The next stage is fight of flight. I totally skipped the honeymoon stage and went straight to the fight or flight stage.  It started raining when I was setting up my tent the first day and I just got mad and cried. I didn't want to be here. I kept thinking of how I could say that I wanted to go home. But my spirit would not let me! Jesus immediately reminded me of all the times He confirmed that this is where I am supposed to be. He reminded me that this is good! I am strongest when I am weakest….and boy have I never felt so weak in my entire life. I literally feel like nothing. It's funny because though these past few days…even at launch in Atlanta have been ridiculously hard and painful, they've been so beautiful and amazing. I've experienced more of the Fathers heart in this brokeness than ever before. I could already tell several stories of angels visiting me in the night or literally feeling the Father hold my hand. That's the beauty of it. I am never left alone. Brokeness is the launching pad for going deeper into the Father's heart. Papa takes care of His little children. He is so in love with me. So, yes, this time has been very hard. Releasing home is by no means easy. But, in order to be fully present here, letting go is vital. I was reminded yesterday that letting go does not mean that I'm losing anything, but just releasing for a moment. The Lord is already taking me to new depths and it is so easy to want to run away from all the discomfort in brokeness. But, by embracing all the emotions and pain and even bliss….I am taken deeper into my papa's heart and into my identity as BELOVED DAUGHTER!! The other day my squad leader asked me to share a story. Little did I know how much this made up story I thought I made up that God actually said to me….Here's the story…There once was a squirrel who had a lot of acorns in his cheek. The weather wasn't too promising as it was storming and he needed to get up the tree quickly. He held on to his acorns…However, the acorns filled his cheeks so much that he was unable to see to get up the tree. He kept falling down. He had a choice…sacrifice the acorns in order to get up the tree or sacrifice getting up the tree in order to have is acorns. He decided it was best to get up the tree. So, he left his acorns behind and climbed up the tree. As he was climbing he saw that the top of the tree where he was going was full of acorns. At that point he realized it was worth it to leave behind the acorns because there were acorns up at the top of the tree. But if he didn't leave the acorns behind to get up the tree he never would've known. You see, Jesus brought me to this verse over and over again "I am the Lord, I have called you into righteousness; I will take you by the hand and keep you; I will give you as a covenant to the people, a light to the nations…..Behold, the former things have come to pass, and new things I now declare; before they spring forth I tell you of them." Isaiah 42:6, 9. I love this! HE holds my hand and keeps me!! I am a light to the nations! Everything from this past season and semester have been INCREDIBLE, but is has come to pass. I am entering a new season of NEWNESS. Also He keeps bringing me to Hebrews 12 where it says to lay everything aside AND sin. I have always seen that as just sin…but it says everything in order to run the race with perseverance while LOOKING TO JESUS annnnd having a great cloud of witnesses around cheering us on!! WOW! I can have hope in letting everything go because I have a great cloud of witness…in heaven, all around me and back home! I can let go knowing that Jesus provides all I need and has given me everything that pertains to life and godliness!! I look to Jesus and am okay. I can rest! I can breathe! I can enjoy him and this time! 

Adjusting is by no means easy, becoming nothing is hard…but in reality I'm becoming who I really am. I am being restored. It is all worth it. Jesus is worth it! 

 

brokeness leads to breakthrough

 

It's been really cool adjusting to a new lifestyle…well the lifestyle of jesus! Simply being with the Father, living in communion with his boys and telling people to repent for the Kingdom of God is near. So, the past few days have been very relaxed and I'm wanting to just plunge into ministry…however, the Father is saying "take advantage of this time to rest I'm my presence alone as much as you can! So, I have greatly enjoyed just sitting in the word and in the spirit all day long and doing little ministry things on site such as picking up trash, washing dishes, cleaning the bathrooms, sweeping, or serving each other and the ministry site that we are currently at. I am beginning to fall in love with my squad and team. I'm beginning to love this country. I'm enjoying the slow and steady adjustment to be here. 

 

So much revelation has come out of today! I had been struggling feeling so different. For example i feel as if i have been more soft spoken and introverted which many of you know is not my personality. But the Lord revealed to me today that this is exactly where he has me on purpose! He told me before the trip that He was going to take me to new heights and new bounds that I had never been before and that I was going to change a lot. Little did I know it would begin so soon. The Father has been teaching me that I don't have to explain anything. The connection I have with the Father is so in depth that it explains itself. He's teaching me to simply BE! He kept saying I am simply going on a walk with Him. At first I thought "well…why did i just spend 12,000 to go on a walk with Jesus." But there's so much more to it!

 

Good Morning! Today is Sunday, September 15! We have been here in Honduras for about 5 days now! The Father has been so gracious to be patient with me and gently love me as I have been adjusting here in Honduras.