Who is God?

Can I be honest and throw up all my thoughts for a few moments. Please hear me out as a raw, genuine human being that just wants to know Jesus and stand upon truth. First, let me assure you that I’m not “falling away” or anything, but I’m just trying to hold onto the promises of His word and truth in a time of difficulty, questioning and wondering. Because, it seems like there are few people who actually understand me and where I am at without judging or trying to find answers for me. I simply want to be heard, not figured out. This just dawned on me, too, I think God is the same way: Few people, if any actually understand God and want answers when I think He just wants to be heard and known, not figured out.

I saw a lot of terrible, hard things on my trip and I myself encountered several difficult things within that didn’t seem to line up with the character and goodness of God. Don’t get me wrong, I believe at the core of my being that He is so good and there is no way I could ever deny the realities of who God is. However, I struggle with many questions. I wrestle with the why’s and how’s and just don’t understand God. As I grow up and “mature” the more questions I have than answers and come to realize how little I actually know of God.

The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy.

I think that the enemy has worked hard to distort our image of God in the most sly ways. Church has become how we dress, our cool vintage pictures and inspirational captions that don’t really express how we actually feel or think or even look. We shouldn’t have to convince or allure people by our cool videos, loud music and events just to introduce them to Jesus. Maybe that is why people like me are fed up with the word “christian” and what it means in todays world to be a Christian. I think we have it all wrong. We are too focused on ourselves and who we want Jesus to be for us and man we are far from the reality of who God is. When did the gospel of Jesus become insufficient for us?

What are we looking for in Jesus? What do we want to get from him? I wonder why do I go to church, why do I post this blog, why do I wear these clothes or talk this way, why do I sing these songs, and why does God allow suffering, heal some but not all? His character and the reality of who He is and His vastness goes beyond what we can ever think or imagine. So how dare we say God is this but not that or how dare we focus on only one of His character traits and forget the rest. God has already done more than enough for us and yes scripture says he’s a good God who gives good gifts, but what if he doesn’t? 

We have put Jesus through an app that edits and places a filter on Him to make Him look pleaseable to man and therefore we have lost what Christ truly looks like. Beneath, all the edits and filters…who is Jesus? Beneath all the edits and filters…who are you? I desire the organic, raw Jesus, not some man made image of who I or anyone else wants Jesus to be.

Unfortunately, I believe the real Jesus is hidden under a lot of religion and extra events and what not. I believe its a lot harder to find Jesus in the church today and thats unfortunate. We have all these events and worship nights and conferences making high the name of jesus, but who is Jesus, or what Jesus are we worshipping, are we even worshipping Jesus, and what are we trying to get out of it? It seems as if we make Jesus out to be who we want him to be and not who He actually is and thats what I’m looking for…Jesus. I’m not looking for a church, a good song or podcast, an inspiration photo and caption, I’m not even looking for a bible verse, I’m simply looking for Jesus Christ.

Many people pray to have the blinders on there eyes to be taken off. However, I pray to have blinders…blinders so that I only see Jesus. I want an HD super focused lens on Jesus and nothing else.

I wonder that if we got away from the church as an organization, the music, events, speakers, etc if we would find that the God we are claiming to worship and gather around is the same God of the bible. I wonder if we worship how we look, the musicians we choose to play at church, the speakers we fly in, or the leader of that church, the feelings and emotions of worship and a message, the cool pictures we post and blogs we write, or if it is really Jesus we are worshipping.

Fads change, music change, churches change, people change, culture change, but God does not change. How do we consistently worship the reality of God in a culture that is constantly changing? I believe we have made God to adapt and change as fads, music, etc changes. But what if we steadfastly worshiped the God of Israel the God of the word, who makes no sense and yet is so good.

In all of this can I say that I do not intend to judge. If anything, I am judging and questioning myself. I am writing this to say that it is dang hard to worship God today with all the distractions WITHIN the church. There is all this pressure to look and act a certain way as a christian. I have noticed this even more since being back home from my 9 month journey around the world. It feels like a different God here than it does over there. I wonder if it’s because we aren’t actually worshipping God, but are so blinded and deceived that we think we are?

God’s been teaching me a lot about the vastness of himself, His sovereignty and supremacy through His silence. God does what He wants and who am I to question that? This is a reality hard to swallow and accept because it gives no black and white answer. There is no tangible grasp to who God is in all His essence and yet that is the bitter sweet mystery of His existence. It has caused me much frustration, bitterness, sleepless nights and agonizing, miserable days.

I am left with the question who is God? Not who do I think God is, or what does this church say about God, but what does God say about Himself? Why in the world to people go crazy over and live their lives around one being that claimed to be the messiah, got crucified and rose again and said he’s coming again? What is it about this being that is fully God and fully man? I question why I ever went crazy for this being. It almost seems absurd and ridiculous that so many people claim to be christians and I wonder if we have it all right, or have it all wrong.

What if we accepted all the facets of God, both the ones we understand and the ones we don’t? What if we let God be God. You see, He is the perfect paradox. He cannot be defined or put into a box, whether super “free and spiritual” or super “legalistic”. I believe both put God in a box because we are putting a label on who God is or isn’t. I don’t think God can be fully described or known. For what is man that God is mindful of him? Yet, He wants me. I don’t get it. I don’t understand God. It frustrates me. However, He says He offers peace that surpasses all understanding and love that surpasses knowledge. Such knowledge is too lofty, it is high, I cannot attain it.

God is God. It’s only by his grace and mercy that He made me, cares for me, let’s me live and saved me. That’s all just because of his mercy which in and of itself seems outside of the character of God. However, God is like no other. His character makes no sense and it doesn’t have to make sense to us. Yet he so graciously reveals himself to us in mysterious ways which is why I think that hope and holding fast to his promises is so beautiful and such a fight worth fighting.

In Hebrews 2:8-9 it says we do not yet see that all things are subject to him or in line with Him, BUT there is hope. One day God will reconcile all things in perfect subjection to him – all things made new and right. We don’t need to focus on what isn’t subject to him or made right or if things are even being subject to God. Who am I to question Gods supremacy and authority? I need to focus on what Christ has already done not what he hasn’t done yet. And because of what Christ has already done I can have hope for what He will do and will complete.

Therefore, I challenge myself and all of God’s people to find the raw organic Jesus and not our man made image of God. We need Jesus. The church needs Jesus. I need Jesus.