Here is some truth about the life of a missionary that you don’t always hear about. In all reality, life as a missionary is not easy by any means. It’s really hard some days. There are days that I would rather get on a plane and go home. There are days that I want to give up, quit, scream and cry.
It’s not always zip lining through the jungle and jumping of cliffs. Every day is not seeing souls won to Christ and all smiles. Not every day do kids just come up from behind and follow you everywhere. You don’t always see healing’s or changed lives. Sometimes you pray and pray and pray and nothing. There are days that you are so overwhelmed with the poverty, sexual perversion, shame, malnourishment, etc that you wonder what kind of impact am I even making. Sometimes you begin your day and your struck with discouragement, no motivation or passion, and no genuine love. Sometimes you have to turn back around and go home to be refueled and loved on by the Father. Some days the spiritual warfare is so intense that you just have to stop and pray, process, and pray some more. Sometimes you find that you’ve just been going through the motions with ministry because you have to or should. Sometimes you forget Jesus. Sometimes you fail, lose and forget. Not every day is easy. Ministry, every day life, is hard sometimes. Not only that but even living in community with each other is hard, too. There are days when you really miss home, but you’re so far into it that there is no turning back. Sometimes you just want the familiar…
Some days you forget why you’re even here and what you’re doing. Some days it is just hard. It may seem depressing to those on the outside, but that is the reality of it on some days. This is life, where every day you must CHOOSE LIFE, CHOOSE joy, and CHOOSE Holy Spirit. This is life where sometimes, it just stinks. Unfortunately, I and several of us do a good job of showing only the happy pictures, sharing only the instagram worthy pictures, and inspirational blogs and Facebook statuses. Though these are several days on the field, that’s not the whole story. The whole story involves good days and bad days; joy and sorrow; deep excitement and anxious thoughts; victories and failures.
This is the reality of life. I believe it is also the reality back home, we just don’t recognize it. And though it is a reality, you know, it is okay. The good days, the victories, and the joys of following Jesus are what get me through the hard days. I am encouraged by the story in Genesis 32:11-12 when Jacob is about to meet up with Esau and he is just freaked out of his mind and afraid. As soon as he acknowledged his fear he began to speak out what the Lord had promised him. So, it is in those hard times that I must choose to speak out the promises and cling to the truth despite circumstances, feelings, emotions, and logistics.
At the end of the day I would not trade this life for anything. There is something unique about EVERYTHING involved in this portion of my life. Here I learn to overcome on the hard days rather than just succumb to the difficulty and discouragement. I learn a new trust and dependency on the Father in the midst of my failures and injustices. There is a depth of joy and trust when you choose to overcome by the name of Jesus. I love this life all the way from the happy instagram posts to the nights of anguish. It has brought a growth and transformation in me that holds more depth than I even know.
Dear Laura Beth, This is truly a wonderful blog and very well written. As in everyone’s life, some days are good and some are bad although it’s more fun to take pictures of the happy things! Thanks so much for your patience, your insight, your loyalty, your truthfulness and your mission work. When I speak to Emily about her days there in the Philipines, I can hear the struggles as well as the happiness and I know as you have said that she would not trade her life there for anything! Love to you and Emily and all that need love… Melanie Herrin (Emily’s mom)
LB. You’re allowing God to transform you at your core. That’s BEAUTIFUL beyond words. You’re right…every day isn’t going to be filled with excitement and the fruit of ministry that you would love to see. But if you continue to choose IN I can promise you that God is going to show up every day. It just might look a little different than you had envisioned. Praying for great things even in the hard or “boring” moments!
This moved my heart so much. Thank you for your transparency.
Praying that you cling to His goodness and faithfulness all the more!
Love reading your posts.
We will overcome, by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimonies. It’s through these things that help us through the rough days. Especially the testimony of what Jesus has done for us through His blood. We hold onto those testimonies through the bad.
You already know this though. I’m just saying Amen in more than one word. Bless you for staying strong and clinging onto Jesus!